Sudden Epiphany

As I was washing the dishes this afternoon I realised something. Something huge. Something which, if overcome, could mean all of the crazy little day dreams I have far too many times in a day to be normal would become true. I wouldn't say what I am having is a quater-life crisis, or that these thoughts are the more sensible ponderings my drugged up on pain killers drowsy mind is producing; its more a realisation.

I'M SCARED OF EVERYTHING

Yes I understand that everyone has phobias (clowns and spiders and creepy children), but this is different. It's all to do with my personality. I'm too nice. I don't like to let people down or make them feel bad due to what I really think, so I keep everything inside, or go to a lot of effort to ensure that I do everything possible for them. Take for example a recent group project. Crappy group, lack of dedication to the project or the grade = one stressed blonde who thinks everything will be fine because she will pull the extra weight and try and fix the cracks. Sadly my human polyfiller approach once again went tits up. No bad comments on my behalf, but as a group, we sucked. And boy was I annoyed. But again, the only people who heard this was my lovely welsh friend, my boyf and the parents.

I think this is one of the reasons I have become a fair-weather blogger. I make the decision that I am going to write something that, even if it influences or touches the mind of one person then my work here is done. I am committed for a week then get distracted by something shiny or biscuit shaped. I'm scared that my opinion will once again be lost within the crowd of incredible talent within the world, and indeed, within my course. There must be at least one blog per person on my course in my year (around 80 people?) and numerous before and after me, so why read mine?

This is where the epiphany came from.

I want to be a writer, and so far, thanks to an amazing project I am currently working on, this is soon to be a weekly reality. But I want more. It's all well and good being given things to write about on a weekly basis, but I want to express myself too. Welcome to my online diary.

I will stick to this I promise! I will be posting regularly, once a week if not more, and will open my heart and share my fears and dreams with the internet, and hopefully a few interested readers. Internet, you will be my psychiatrist. I will tell you everything about the dreaded third year at university, share with you the ups and downs (more ups I hope), with a few lovely fashion finds, foodie favourites and fingers crossed, news of a career with my dream magazine thrown in too.

This is a diary of a romantic cliche with back problems, who cannot walk in high heels.

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